Saturday, August 29, 2009

scariest looking presidents according to "dr. history" (aka c.s.)

5. William McKinnley - jowls like a bulldog, eyebrows like shag rug from the 70s.

4. John Tyler – anorexic before it was fashionable.

3. James Madison – if he HAD hair on top, he’d have a mullet. At least he had his height to fall back on… oh wait, no he didn’t.

2. Lyndon Johnson – big nose, big ears, and deep set eyes - a hulking figure with no respect for other people’s personal space.

1. Martin Van Buren – picture speaks for itself. What scares me though is that if THIS is how he looked on ‘picture day’ imagine what he must have looked like every other day of his life.

From Andy D: Top Uncredited Musical Guest Appearances for Another Artist's Recording.

1. Eddie Van Halen -- guitar solo on "Beat It." Fused Rock and R&B once and for dang all.

That's all I got. But you can take it to the bank.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Shinigami-Sidhe's irrational music hatreds.

Shane McGowan
Lynyrd Skynrd
REO Speedwagon
Josh Groban
Celtic Woman
George Gershwin
Celine Dion

Phillip Glass

Andrea Bocelli

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Better as a movie than a book

.5 Last of the Mohicans. I haven't read the book, not really, but the snippets from James Fenimore Cooper that I read some twenty years ago caused me shame to be an English language speaker. The movie was just mediocre-plus, but there's no way on god's green earth that that book could be better than that. the horror. me out here, folks. surely there are some examples.

How 'bout this?

There's just no way the novel was better. No way. Yes, it had more detail. Sure. Big deal. But the Godfather redeems film as a type of art.

So...what else?

Andrew B's irrational musical hatreds

Andrew B's top ten Irrational Music Hatreds

10. Green Day
9. Panic! At the Disco
8. Fallout Boy
7. Metallica
6. Neil Diamond
5. Blue October
4. My Chemical Romance
3. Evanescence
2. John Mayer

1. Mariah Carey

1. Nickleback

1. Hinder

1. Aerosmith

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Ten things that bore me to tears with a degree of brutality unfitting for an adult.


Either use your hands or start scoring more.

Car talk. Both the show and car talk in general. Yes, I know the car talk folks are geniuses. I don't care. That beings said, I have a way-cool car talk coffee mug.

Talk about dieting and nutritional fads.

I can take ninety seconds tops. After that, I just start craving ice cream sundaes--both to spite the diet crusader and also to hasten my death as a means of escape.

Museum displays.

I love art. I love reading about art. I have dozens of books about art. I like looking at art in museums. I like museums in general, more or less. But good grief, do I ever hate reading museum informational displays.

Here's how my ideal museum experience would unfold. I'm walking along and I say, Oh, that's a Manet. Cool. I know something about Manet. And you know, I think I'll learn more about him later when I read about him in a book. But here I am at the museum with the original Manet right in front of me. Hmmm....I think I'll actually look AT the Manet. Now...moving on.

But the aspect. Ugggh...


Yes, I know this makes me a bad bad man. I'm sorry.

You know, virtually every neighbor I've ever had in my life has been so sweet. Just very nice and kind people. But what are we going to talk about? I mean, really. And let's just face facts: I'm doing them a big favor by shielding them from myself. I don't know what to say to them, and if they knew what I wanted to talk about, they'd never leave their house again. I can see them now, peeking out through their window blinds. "There's that bad man who keeps whining on and on about his soul. He gives me the creeps."

Politial pundits and, more specifically, political talk shows.

They're noisy and obnoxious and less informative than you'd hope. I'll pass, thanks.


I know, I know.

I know.

I'm just being honest. I'll save the reasons why for another time. But let me just say here that it's me, not them. It's me. Sometimes I hold my breath during in a sermon to see how long I can do it without letting out a loud exhale noise.

My record? Two minutes.

I'm serious.


All right, this takes just a little explaining. My in-laws love musicals. I've always said that "The Pirates of Penzance" is like catnip for them--just the mere mention of it gets them giggling and singing and quoting lines and rejoicing in the fundamental lightness and goodness and bounty and joy of life. It energizes them and makes them happy as song birds and generally intolerable.

But here's my thing about musicals. I've seen plenty of them. PLEN-ty. Well over 50 different musicals. I know because I once counted them to prove to my in-laws that, yes, I do know musicals and my negative judgment of them isn't based on lack of experience of them--rather it's based on that experience.

Here's a very simple test for a movie. Imagine that you're at the theater (or at home) and you're in the middle of the movie, preferably nearing the end. Now imagine that the electricity dies out and you can't see the rest of the movie. What's your reaction? Now the typical reaction to that for a decent, or even average, movie is one of disappointment--and that independently of the money you plunked down. You're upset because you're wrapped up in a narrative, and that narrative has taken hold of your imagination. You thirst to know how the story resolves. But here's what I'm saying about musicals. I can think of no more than five of those fifty musicals I've seen about which I can that if the electricity went out I'd feel more disappointment than relief.

I'm serious.

Actually I can't think of five (or three), but it's better to err on the conservative side.

I've seen musicals. They don't appeal to me.

But let's remember in all fairness that I don't judge those people who do like them as showing bad taste. That would be wrong.

No, it's not, because they do display bad taste, and I do judge them.

I'm teasing.

(No, I'm not.)

Stories about shopping.

I trust you made a good purchase. Congratulations.

Discussions with others about their home furnishings and the hard choices they had to make to select juuuuuuuust the right pick.

You did great. It was a hard choice, I'm sure, but you did well. Congratulations.

Now let me tell you about my soul.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Most overrated movies according to Shinigami-Sidh

5. The Notebook
This is the same chick flick we have suffered many times before, and it never gets any better.

4. Napoleon Dynamite
Is there any point to this other than making fun of nerds?

3. Anything Disney has ever created

2. The Wizard of Oz

1. Gone with the Wind
even the pencil-thin mustache of Clarke Gable is not worth the four hours of my life

From Shinigami-Sidh--