Monday, December 22, 2008

More irrational hatreds of musical artists

This from anonymous:

Ummm. What does it mean when the only person who responds to your top 10 irrational music hatreds can't distinguish between Don Henley and Don McLean? Perhaps it means that what you really meant for your list was:

10. Hanson (bros.)
9. Axl Rose
8. Styxx
7. yeah, the Clash
6. Dr. Hook
5. William Shatner
4. Mariah Carey
3. Tim Weisberg
2. Tony Bennett
1. Leo Sayer

Top Movie Cliches We Never Want to See Again!

Timekeeper offers these:



6. The cop days away from retirement.

5. trying to make the computer exciting shot of the screen bar or percentage of the download/upload finished while hoping someone does not come in and turn off the computer.

4. frightened person looking backwards while walking.

3. Family/friends singing kareoke style while dancing together.

2. Microphone feedback.

1. Slow walk away with explosion behind.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Top sports deals with the devil that fell through.


There are tons of athletes whose transcendent talent was sidelined by injuries (Bo Jackson or Bill Walton) or trauma (Monica Seles and Vince Young) or idiocy (Dwight Gooden and John Rocker and Ricky Williams and Daryl Strawberry and Michael Vick to name a few). What I’m interested in here are folks whose talent just seemed to……disappear. No satisfactory explanation. As though the devil said, you know what? Keep your soul. I don’t want it. But I’m taking back your talent. Deal with it.

Here are some suggestions for your consideration. I need your help and really welcome any suggestions and corrections, especially if these guys below suffered from injuries that explain their collapses.

Golf: David Duval and Ian Baker-Finch

Football: Brian Bosworth and Christian Okoye and Drew Bledsoe

Baseball: Roger Maris and Dontrelle Willis

Basketball: Phil Ford and Ralph Sampson and Grant Hill and Penny Hardaway

Others? Please let me know.

Timekeeper's snarky top 10 Charlton Heston movies

6-10. All the disaster ones in the 70s where he rode the coat tails of his earlier success in #1 and/or #2.



5. Bowling for Columbine (he was hilarious!)



4. Soylent Green



3. Planet of the Apes



2. Ten Commandments



1. Ben Hur(or vice versa--the first two are the same movie, right?)



Top Ten Genius Artists I Don't Appreciate Enough

These are not folks for which I have "irrational hatreds." (See below.) I like the work of several of these folks just fine, and several have songs I adore. But given how widely beloved and adored they are by fans and critics alike, it's clear to me that I don't appreciate their work at the level I "should." Perhaps with more listening to a wider range of material, I would do so. So....I'm not disparaging them but it's me I'm disparaging.

10. Frank Zappa--I don't have to like all geniuses, do I? My bad. I'm sorry.

9. Tom Waits--it's not the voice that bothers me. It's the music. I'm sorry for not being more expansive.

8. Carole King--Tapestry. I know, I know. Tapestry is genius. Look, I'm sorry.

7. Bjork-I like her fine. But no more than "fine." She's the female Beck, perhaps, but I like Beck a lot more than her. I'm sorry. Truly.

6. David Gray--Look, it's not you. It's me. It's me. I'm sorry.

5. Stevie Wonder--Wait. Give me a chance. I love Stevie. Some of his work is in my list of faves. But there's a lot of dreck in his oeuvre, too. Did I mention I'm sorry?

4. Neil Young. Hey "Anonymous," deal with it, bro. (I'm sorry.)

3. Ben Folds--I like you fine, Ben. But just as friends. I'm sorry. It's me, not you. Can we still be friends?

2. Bruce Springsteen--I like Bruce plenty. A lot, in fact. Not just enough to satisfy the vortex-like neediness of his fanatical base of followers who believe he invented music. (I'm sorry.)

and for number one, I cheated.

1. Bob Dylan and Elvis Costello





Now Dylan's music I love. I love covers of the guy's music, and there's little doubt that he was the best rock lyricist ever. But I can't make it through his own albums with him singing. And I've got nothing against Elvis Costello. Man, I wish I loved him more than I do. Several of his songs are plenty great. But...he just doesn't quite hit the sweet spot with me. Oh man, I'm sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

My top ten most shameful musical likes

What are you going to do? You like what you like. I tend to make very sharp distinctions between a person’s art and their personal lives—something I’ve found very few people do—so some of the guilt here comes from liking less than fully reputable people. But you know, one’s tastes are what they are. Whattayagonna do? I like these artists. So sue me.

Now I should clarify that they aren’t my favorite artists. But I like them enough to not automatically think “Must turn off!!” when I hear them.

10. REO Speedwagon
9. Billy Idol
8. Andy Williams (That voice. I love this guy. Love him!)
7. Michael Jackson (Even child molesters can sing, you know.)
6. George Michael (“Freedom” is one of my favorite songs.)
5. Bee Gees (As is “Stayin’ Alive.” And “How Deep is You love” makes me cry.)
4. Enya
3. Yanni (Yes, I feel shame. Burning deep shame. Yes, I do.)
2. Sarah Brightman
1. Britney Spears



Yes, her loneliness is killing her. And if only I could help her not kill herself. You know. For the sake of the music. Is all. For all of us.

My top 10 irrational music hatreds

These are the musical artists who for reasons mysterious even to me send me over the edge. Lots of other people I know whose music tastes I respect like them, so I can’t simply justify my reaction by these groups’ inherent badness. Though, I confess, I’m quite tempted to do so, and in a few cases I think I could make a good case. But in general, I acknowledge that my intense visceral stomach churning and muscle-clenching hatred of these artists is basically irrational.

10. Allman brothers (Actually all Southern Rock. Southern Rock fans, I am SO sorry. Look, I admit my hatred here is irrational. Please don’t track me down and kill me dead real quick like, ya hear?)
9. Counting Crows (Get through puberty and get yourself a real voice, please.)
8. The Fixx (zzzzzz…..huh? did you say something?)
7. The Clash (London go away)
6. Don Henley
5. Barbara Streisand
4. Mariah Carey (Not so irrational, actually. Yuck yuck yuck.)
3. Dan Fogleberg (How can mellow make me so angry? Really. How?!)
2. Harry Connick, Jr.
1. James Taylor. 100% irrational. I. Can’t. Stand. Him.





I really don't like him. At all.

I’m serious.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

How ‘bout just presidential hair?

From Justcurious:

There’s so much to choose from.

Best presidential trio of hair… Mr. President



Best presidential hair over a thoughtful face… Clinton



Award for best foreign coiffure goes to… Sarkozy



Best 1872 presidential wannabe hair… Victoria Woodhull



Finally, best all around presidential hair due to his campaign platform based on a perfect and youthful do goes to…Jacob Mantle, incoming president of Queen’s University Arts and Science Undergraduate Society… (along with the incoming vice-pres, whose hair is nicely coiffed as well). Apparently a school full of High School Musical look-a-likes. Perhaps your college will want to take this into consideration as one of its admission standards.

Best Presidential Facial Hair

It's stiff competition to be sure. But here's what you got:

5. Abraham Lincoln




4. Chester Arthur



3. Benjamin Harrison



2. Martin Van Buren



1. William Howard Taft



shinigami-sidhe, I hope you aren't hurt that I went with a mere moustache. I just think as far as moustaches go, this one is especially divine. Or if not divine, then certainly walrus-esque.

You may be interested in the following very useful website: http://www.nicholaswhyte.info/presbeards.htm

God's Top Ten Commandments!


Wait....this has already been done.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Top five errors of judgment in the posts thus far

5. Nicholas Cage
4. Vincent Price
3. Frank Sinatra (doobie doobie don't.)
2. Bing Crosby (buh buh buh bad)
1. Omitting Marlon Brando. He IS a contender, Charley.

On the bright side, a big revelation for me is Lon Chaney Sr. I’ve never seen one of his movies, but look at this clip. I gotta give it up to him. This is an incredibly affecting video to me—it taps something pretty primal.

On the video between 2:19-2:25 how DeNiro-esque he looks (maybe his Max Cady character in Cape Fear). Amazing.


More top ten actors

From justcurious: http://www.blogger.com/profile/01049309170646131244

10. Sean Connery (no. 1 in voice, though. talk to me, baby.)
9. Morgan Freeman (another voice guy. could listen to him all day. also does more with less in terms of his facial expressions than anyone.)
8. Charlie Chaplin (i way admire comedic genius. he paved the way and much of it was silent!)
7. Dick Van Dyke (master of comedy. the timing, the facial expressions, the use of his body. the guy sings a lovely song to boot. AND, all this without hollywood looks.)
6. Nicholas Cage (range; that says it all)
5. Johnny Depp (as you say, surprisingly good for a pretty boy. we're going to look back on his administration and liken it to some of the older talent)
4. Robert Redford (how could you not)
3. Robert DeNiro (goes without saying)
2. Anthony Hopkins (the man has class and range)
1. Cary Grant (finally, no other man has started out as Archibald and gone on to have singular billing as #1 Virile Man for as long as he did.)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Top 10 Actors (see below)

http://shinigami-sidhe.blogspot.com/ says:

1.Rudolph Valentino (No other male film star has reached his level of popularity and pageantry. Ever.)
2.Lon Chaney Sr.(The man with a thousand faces)
3.Clark Gable
4.Bela Lugosi (you just have to admire a guy who emotes with his eyebrows)
5.Frank Sinatra
6.Vincent Price
7.Orson Welles
8.Jim Henson (he was a voice actor. It counts.)
9. Bing Crosby
10. Daniel Day Lewis

All-Time Best American Male Movie Actors



Here are the criteria I'm using: Range/versatility. Presence/charisma. Respect of/reputation among fellow actors.

1. Marlon Brando
2. Robert DeNiro
3. Robert Duvall
4. Dustin Hoffman (Of course he's an excellent actor. Yeah. Definitely.)
5. Morgan Freeman (Maybe the most "believable" actor ever. Perfectly natural on screen.)
6. Gene Hackman.
7. Al Pacino
8. Johnny Depp. (If the guy weren't so pretty, he'd be much more highly regarded than he is. His range is stunning, and he's as charismatic as they come.)
9. James Stewart
10. Montgomery Clift

Okay, I can already here the criticisms. Bring 'em on.